Collection
by Mr. Squirrels
Summary: ...oh god...no comment


Disclaimer  
I don't own the X-Men. If you sue me, you'll get peanuts, literally.   
  
Author's Note  
Squirrels and Kool-Aid © don't mix. I should know. It turned my tail into a lovely shade of blue. On the bright side, I like the color blue.   
  
Well, on random note (and I am totally writing this based on the idea people read these), I would like to thank all the people who took the time to read my stuff. Just wanted to say that. Now back to regularly scheduled story.  
  
Anybody who came by me tree, added something to this story. Just though it would be entertaining. Also, because I believe organization is the tool of the devil, I don't even know who wrote where…so have fun.  
  
I would like to thank the falling people (these are their nicknames, people, don't get whiny about it)  
-Cherub  
-Super Turd  
-Don Juan  
-Fat Ass  
-Simon the monkey  
-The incredible Miss L  
  
  
Collection  
  
It was high noon and everyone was inside. It was a hot, humid day. The hottest ever at the mansion was 98 degrees today it was 139. Everyone was mad at Scott he turned the air conditioning so low in a sorry attempt to cool the mansion, it broke. The worst of it was on the Weather Channel it said it would get hotter over the next week or two.   
  
Every one of the X-men took turns shoving them selves into the freezer, refrigerator, and icebox. It was an honor to sit next to Iceman but every time he tried to turn the room to ice it melted instantly. By three days later they all smelled horrible because when they took a shower the water started to bubble and boil then they received 3rd degree burns all over their bodies.   
  
The X-Men even started to hallucinate. Scott learned the hard way. Xavier became delirious and he jumped Scott when he was bandaged, because of the burns, thinking he was Magneto.   
  
Water was now worth more than oil. When they found Scott stealing the little water they had they threw him outside for a day. On day five the oven and other machinery broke down or melted so to cook food they burnt it to a crisp outside or roasted it on Xavier's shiny head.   
  
Storm tried to make it rain but, it as soon as it hit the ground, the ground caught fire. The breezes it took to cool the mansion down almost knocked it off the foundation. By the sixth day, Storm left the mansion and traveled north to Canada with Wolverine and Beast, who shaved and waxed his body in an effort not to get heat stroke.   
  
Then all the sudden *STOP* I can no longer continues this shit, as a squirrel, I must now act erratic. Yeah for me. For a change of pace, I am now one of the X-Men. Super Squirrel. He he.  
  
Back to our regularly scheduled program.   
  
Storm finally decided she could no longer take. She had to have Super Squirrel. Super Squirrel though had already fallen madly in love with a chipmunk named Tinky-Winky. Storm decided she must do everything in her power to destroy Tinky-Winky.   
  
At the mansion things had not improved. Xavier noticing that they were gone took advantage and told the X-men they were going to Canada. Xavier though didn't care if they were dead he just wanted to get away from the heat wave. Little did he know it was intensifying and moving north. They started to head north on foot for the Blackbird's engine had melted.   
  
In Canada Storm and here group went to the Yukon. There they got lost for many weeks. The weeks turned to months. Wolverine felling love with beast because he started to hallucinate and thought he was a girl but Beast did care for no one ever loved him. Storm went to any means to kill Tinky-Winky. She found out in Montreal that Tinky -Winky the chipmunk was the incarnation of all evil. Underneath all that cute fur and beady eyes was a demon. Tinky-Winky caused the heat wave and all the suffering on Earth was caused by the chipmunk. Of course this was all in Storm's brain which melted away along with the glaciers of the Yukon.   
  
Super Squirrel was in New York, getting dead drunk on Jack Daniels © (don't own that either). He had found out Tinky-Winky was cheating on him with Bishop, she decided to drown his worries in alcohol. He also needed to get away from Storm. She was smothering him to death and he couldn't take it anymore.   
  
*Stop* "Super Squirrel?" What the hell is that?! This collaboration thing is beginning to suck.  
  
Well it was your idea you dumbass squirrel.  
  
Opinions from a turd, great.   
  
Back to me - Anyways, Super Squirrels, decides after a drinking binge, that Storm is hot as hell and chipmunks suck.   
  
What the hell are you doing!  
  
Shut up, I have rights to write crap too. Anyways, Super Squirrel decides before he goes to meet up with Storm, he will cause some destruction and mayhem. Yum…choas…  
  
He starts by getting rid of all things stupid including that thin, crappy toilet paper (double-ply rules), the company that produces that toilet paper, and other various crappy items. (if you have anything you would Super Squirrel to destroy, just let me know).  
  
Super Squirrel than got rid of this ridiculous heat wave (b/c boy did that story line suck).   
  
Meanwhile Beast and Wolverine decided to honeymoon up at the North pole with the elves and Santa.  
  
Xavier had some how reached Azerbaijan(this is a real place). In Azerbaijan he was enslaved by Malicious Camels of Doom were they forced him into 10 days worth of camel feces. Soon after that the dung was attacked sinister dung beetles. He ran for his life but they followed his path of poppy to Uzbekistan and from there to Nepal were they stopped following him.  
  
What the hell is that! Xavier sure does travel.   
  
Once Xavier reached Nepal, he died.   
  
Well that ended that stupid shit.   
  
Well, while we are acting like complete shit-heads…  
  
On their second week of their honeymoon, Wolverine decided to become a woman.   
  
Wait Wolverine isn't a woman Beast's procedure to make him a woman there is a mistake and he becomes fixed. To make things   
  
I can't allow this to continue…for the sake of the readers I have to stop this.  
  
But Wolverine has been neutered…what is this world coming to…  
  
Anyways, in an effort to redeem any good qualities of this story, I shall continue.  
  
Storm and Super Squirrel finally met up in Honlulu, how they got there, I dunno, and got engaged.   
  
That is sick. Stop with the interspecies dating.  
  
What the hell is wrong with interspecies dating…  
  
Dude, just shut up before people start assuming things.  
  
What -  
  
Dude, just don't.  
  
Hey, Cherub, you write good stuff, why don't you continue…  
  
She writes loves stories! Sick love stories!  
  
Hey, I have gotten a lot of complements for my writing.  
  
…no comment  
  
Beast decided with Wolverine recent accident, they needed to repair their relationship. They needed sometime together. Beast had become increasing concerned with Wolverine's sullen behavior…  
  
Get the hell away from this, you, you…  
  
Calm down Turd.  
  
ARGH!!!  
  
So Beast shot and killed Wolverine to put him out of his misery. There.  
  
Oh God.  
  
While this was going on, Jubilee and Iceman hooked up. They decided to leave the mansion because it was beginning to get like Hill House. Bobby became an accountant and Jubilee a housewife. They moved to the Suburb, had three kids, and a dog.   
  
…  
  
…  
  
…  
  
What, now comments from the peanut gallery, HA!  
  
No, we are just hoping you will go away…  
  
That isn't what you said last night…  
  
Shut the fuck up you prevert! I am going to kick the shit out of you!! Die!! DIE!!!  
  
Well L is killing Turd, we will continue.  
  
Anyways, because I don't care for the following characters, I will now kill them Angel, Psylocke, Cyclops, Jean Grey, and Bishop all die. You can use your imagination for how.  
  
Hey! I like them!  
  
Well, I don't, so they are dead. BAWHAHAH!  
  
Oh, God.  
  
Hey, Squirrel, I suggest we end this soon before this gets worse.  
  
Not, yet, just a little more…he he…  
  
You killed everyone!!  
  
No, we have Rogue, Gambit, Storm, Super Squirrel, Beast, Iceman, Jubilee, and there is more…I just have to find them…  
  
All those characters suck!  
  
I like them, Gambit is hot!  
  
Hey, I am Super Squirrel! You hate me *sniff*.  
  
Gambit looks like my ass. Super Squirrel is just a ball of hair.  
  
Hey! Asshole!  
  
Oh, God.  
  
…  
  
…  
  
…  
  
This has gone on long enough!  
  
No, just a little more…please.  
  
…  
  
…  
  
Fine what do you have to say Fat Ass  
  
Well Rouge finds out how to control her powers so she hooks up with Gambit. When they were making out Gambit charges her a she goes BOOM!!  
  
I think I speak for all squirrels when I say this but that was gross!  
  
What!  
You went BOOM Fat Ass!!  
  
No it was the Turd!  
  
Shut your ass!  
  
Fine it was Simon!  
  
No comment  
  
The Room of Doom!!  
  
I Can't Breathe!!  
  
This has gone too far now! This is out of hand.  
  
I have this perfectly under control except for the outbreak of toxic fumes. So we can go a little more.  
  
Why don't we add Simon who with his little friends ate Super Squirrel!  
  
Leave the squirrels alone or I'll eat you and you Mom and your Dad and your brother and uncle and your other uncle and I won't for get your aunts… your cousins and your grandma and grandpa…   
  
AAAHHH!!!  
  
Shut up Fat Ass!  
  
Tinky-Winky is after me she eat my shoe!  
  
That's not Tinky-Winky. That's my good friend Bob the beaver. It's ok Bob you can eat him but he may be chewy.  
  
Are you friends with all the animals?  
  
No just the ones that will eat Fat Ass and Cherub.  
  
Can it or scalp you with my handy spatula!   
  
***  
  
Well, I would have more written, but I had to clean the blood off the wall. Thanks folks!  
  



End file.
